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An exercise in being politically correct
If you find that the daily newspaper is becoming dull and repetitious, try looking at it the way reporters do, when they jot notes and phrases to remember the people they have interviewed.
For instance, the reporter's note to himself, "short, over 60, gray hair," will not appear in the paper. Instead the copy will read "petite, silver-haired matron." So the subject is happy, and the reader will obtain a more pleasant picture.
Or the writer might tell us that a person is "college-educated." This is a good way to avoid mentioning that he or she did not necessarily graduate.
A man's wife may be described in different terms depending on the man's income level.
The wife of a local personality is generally describes as a "home-maker" unless she is employed, in which case she becomes a "respected businesswoman." If she is described as "the beautiful Mrs. Jones," his income will surely be over $200,000. If instead the description reads "the attractive Mrs. Jones," his income will be in the $100,000 dollar range.
If you need practice in this new technique, start by reading the wedding and engagement announcements. Brides invariably wear "gowns," never "dresses." For that matter, they don't "wear" them, rather they are "attired" in them.
If the bride is reported to have been attired in her maternal grandmother's heirloom wedding gown, it may actually mean "hooray, it still fits!"
Newlywed couples will sometimes be said to have taken "an extended out-of-state honeymoon," which may translate to three days at Branson, Mo.
This may seem a more cynical way of reading the paper, but reality is sometimes what you make it. When a pessimist sees a glass as being half empty, an optimist hopes it contains champagne. It is still the same glass.
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We often read of abusive treatment in poorly-run facilities for the elderly, but actually 74 percent of elder abuse occurs in the home. The perpetrators are usually family members who have problems of their own, the most common being alcoholism or drug abuse, financial difficulties and mental problems.
The typical victim is a female over 75 who has become dependent due to physical or mental impairment. 66 percent of cases involve what social workers term massive neglect, which is not necessarily physical abuse, but about one-third of these are placed in a protective setting.
If you are aware of someone who needs help, call 1-800-96ABUSE (1-800-962-2873.) Don't let a family member or a friend become part of a statistic!
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The Pensacola Quilters' Guild Biannual Show will be March 28 - 29 from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at The Wright Place, 80 E. Wright Street, Pensacola. Cost of admission is $5 per person per day. For more information, call Cena Harmon at 850-475-1901.
Not only will you see dozens of beautiful handmade quilts, but you can bring in your own heirloom quilts to be appraised. Alma Moates, a trained quilt appraiser, will examine your quilts and value them for insurance purposes. The cost is $35 per quilt. A verbal appraisal, to learn when it was made, what the pattern is called and the origin of the name, what it's made of, and how to care for it, will be offered for $10. Hope to see you there!
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"The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow."
-Unknown Keep that in mind - See you next week!
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