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My Two Cents

Please stop sending me e-mail telling me about the candidates running for office. Please stop stuffing my mailbox with literature about your particular political agenda. Please stop calling my home and eating up my limited voice-mail time with your canned messages from those seeking my vote. Cease and desist with the calls, e-mail and literature from a political party I have never had anything in common with, am not registered as, and couldn't vote for even if I were brain dead.

I think of myself as a reasonably intelligent person, even if I don't agree with you. I can determine for myself if any of you yahoos running for office deserve my vote. I don't need your threats, your innuendos, or your incorrect, slanderous, libelous e-mails. I don't care if the Democratic candidate ever ate fried chicken without a side of coleslaw or potato salad. I don't care if the Republican candidate drinks Pepsi or Coke.

Wait! I do care about that!

But I don't care if the Republican candidate is a fan of P Diddy. Nor do I care if they chose their running mates by playing Pin the Tale on the Donkey. I also don't care if either of them or their running mates knows all the words to 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat.'

Please stop and think, or at least check your facts with snopes.com, before you send me misinformation that does nothing but confuse me and make you look like an idiot. If you are trying to dissuade me from the candidate I favor, at least tell me the true idiotic things that my candidate says. He doesn't need your help. He can bury himself with stupid statements, false promises, and a smile that belongs on an Ultra-White toothpaste commercial.

If you want to discuss politics, please find someone who can argue with you on whatever point you choose to make your stand. I don't care to waste my time arguing with anyone about politics, candidates, or the current state of disrepair in our political system. It takes all I can do to untangle all the lies, rhetoric and non-promises made by the candidates. I don't need anyone confusing me or attributing things said to a candidate when it is not true. For that matter, don't tell me if it is true. In these troubled minds, it only adds to my already confused state.

I don't listen to the news. I don't listen to the candidates. I don't read the pundits or listen to the politically savvy correspondents on the news. I prefer to remain in a semimedicated state, as that is the only way I can stand all the fertilizer that is being thrown about in the name of getting my vote, and your vote, too. I want to go to sleep at night secure in my delusional state that one of the candidates will actually do something to help our country. I want to wake by myself and not to your political advertisement on the television or radio. I find the candidates' voices annoying at 3 a.m. Actually, I find their voices annoying any time I hear them.

No, I have not decided which candidate will get my vote. I prefer to leave that until the last minute, when I am in the dark with the candidates, and where I function best. I know how my decision will be made. Neither you, nor the candidates, nor Milton Bradley, or whoever makes Candy Land will influence the mode I use to determine who gets my vote. I leave that to the ABC's, the moon, and whether the election is held on an odd or even day. It may not make sense to you, but to me it makes as much sense to me as the daily e-mails I receive, the promises I have heard uttered for the sake of my vote, the color of the candidates' ties, and this story.

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Wanda M. Argersinger of Gulf Breeze is a

writer, humorist and motivational speaker.

Visit her Web site at : www.wandaargersinger.com.