'Beowulf' depicts animated manly things
Critic's Corner
By DNA Smith
"Beowulf" Running Time: 114 minutes MPAA rating: PG-13

Ray Winstone provides the voice for Beowulf.

"Beowulf" may not be the best fantasy film ever made, but it does have one thing that no other fantasy film can boast, every fanboy's fantasy come true: Angelina Jolie's enormous, nekkid, CGI-enhanced bosom projected onto an IMAX screen -- in 3-D.

There's also a fair share of male nudity. If you ever wondered what Anthony Hopkins bare behind would look like if he were a computer-generated Danish king, then "Beowulf" is the movie for you.

When the characters aren't busy being naked, they're shouting or speaking in gruff manly voices (a la "300") about getting naked or killing stuff. It's a Manly Tale of Manly Men doing Manly Things with their Big Man Hands and then shouting about what they just did.

The film is very loosely based on the epic poem most of us had to endure in high school. A demon named Grendel terrorizes the land. The king (Hopkins) spreads the word that he will give half his kingdom's treasure to the hero who slays the demon. Enter Beowulf (Ray Winstone), who slays Grendel, and he does it -- yes, you guessed -- naked.

Oh. And there's also a dragon he kills, but he does it with his clothes on.

"Beowulf" is done using the same horrid computerized motion capture process that made "The Polar Express" one of the creepiest children's movie ever. There is something terribly wrong with the process. It sort of gives the illusion of live action, but the eyes have a waxy, cadaverous sheen to them. The skin also has a cold, moist texture that is disconcerting.

The result is a look that isn't quite lifelike enough to look real, and too detailed to be animation. It's like a lo-res cut scene from an older generation video game.

"Beowulf" is an OK movie (although it could be about 30 minutes shorter), and I can just barely recommend it because there are a couple good battle scenes. But other than that and Angelina's hypnotic yet threateningly huge bosom, there's nothing else interesting about the flick.

GRADE: C-

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.