Bubba's Beach
Humor for lexophiles...
Email Bubba at tbubba@tbubba.com

I am often called a "lexophile." It ain't in the dictionary, but if you are one, you know what I'm talking about! I love words. I know that is a mis-conception of what I am supposed to be like in life, but "say-lavee," as the Bubbas say.

Every year I go to a meeing of people that have this affliction. We come up with new ones and rehash old ones. This year was a bumper crop, and I wanted to share them with you.

One of the things I've noticed about us lexophiles is that we like to break and bend the rules. Playing with words, making up words, messing with common phrases, making and appreciating puns and metaphors, taking things literally for comic effect, rhyming things. Don't try and understand it, just enjoy! If you ponder on it to long the beast dies in the disection there of.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger and then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care center where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. Hey, Outcast, get it???

The height challenged fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

Athief fell and broke his leg in wet cement and soon became a hardened criminal.

We stole corn from Grandpa's garden and were charged with stalking!

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy at the blackboard. He really did a number on it.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Read this one slower...!

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat. Just thought you'd like to know....