Well, I've been on tour and when I get home from weeks on the road, I have a strange habit. 'Lishous saves all the newspapers from the three towns I love, Nashville, Gulf Breeze and Pensacola and I read them all at once. Often it is like a book with no ending. I then make a big fire with them all and watch my stress fly away with the ashes. It works for me, so don't laugh!!

After this stress relief technique I then have a lot of "news I can't use." So, I have to remind you of those bits that hit me the oddest and comment on them. It also helps when there is a "slow news day" on the Island Santa Rosa. Which is every day to be exact.

Hillary said the other day that when she is elected President she would appoint her sometimes husband Bill, as "a worldwide ambassador at large." Bill was said to have smiled widely. Yep, he had the country to run wild in while he was president, now he will have the world and she won't be allowed to tag along. Talk about throwing the rabbit into the briar patch! Why, I can't see anything going wrong with that, can you? Maybe he could get his "morality advisor" he had in the White House with him, Jesse Jackson, to tag along with him. I don't think the world is ready for that kind of "good will!!"

And last week, President Bush met with the president of Peru.When the Peruvian president invited Bush to visit Machu Picchu, Bush said, "Great, I love to play hide and seek!" While that wasn't the exact right thing to say, Dub Ya, at least let him know that he was trying! The President has never let understanding get in the way of his answers. He's a Bubba for sure!

And while we are on the White House, presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich (rhymes with spinach) has introduced a bill to impeach Vice President Dick "Sure Shot" Cheney. That is not a good idea, because then George Bush would then become the acting president. Kucinich also said, he wanted "world peace" in his lifetime. He also thinks that Peter Pan is a big white pot that old people put at the end of their beds for night time emergencies.

Presidential candidate, Wiz Kid Obama "Yo'Momma," had another Hollywood fundraiser, and collected enough money to elect Steven Spielberg President of Israel. It's part of his "no cash left behind" campaign! He said, "I'll never leave a single dollar behind, when elected!" Somehow I believe that.

Finally Sheryl "Legs" Crow was at the dinner to raise awareness of global warming, and she has an interesting plan. Sheryl Crow is encouraging people to only use one square of toilet paper when they go to the bathroom. Wow, what a concept. I bet she has never been in line at Barnhill's Buffet and seen the size of those rear ends. Let me tell you, one square won't even get you started on those projects. Sheryl is going to have trouble getting anyone in the nation to ever shake hands with her again. I know I'm going to avoid it, but if she wants to dance with me, I'm taking a pair of gloves with me, just in case. I'm telling you Bubba, if all the liberal women looked like her, I'd consider changing parties! But, that one square thing ain't gonna ever work, Babe!

On the home front, the SRIA and the County can't decide whether to build condos or owner-owed hotels on the island. Big deal, a duck is a duck and either one will destroy the very thing people come to see on our island, the BEACH. THE BEACH dummies, THE BEACH! I'm yelling here, can you hear me THE BEEEECH!

Why can't everyone understand "If we DON'T build it, they will come." How many Destin, Panama City and Perdido Keys examples do we need to learn? They come to see the beach, NOT the buildings. Why must we destroy it? Is there not one politician in the bunch that will stand up and vote not to deny access to the beach with building of any type? If one ever does, he could ride it all the way to the Governor's Mansion!!

Well, that all the "news you can't use"….Just thought you'd like to know….