Most of you know that I love smiling comebacks ... you know that special little statement that tells some one to go pound sand in their ears, but sounds like a compliment. I hear them all the time ... Just last week, I heard a woman tell a man that was cleaning out his ears with his car keys and trying to talk on his cell phone at the same time ... "Sir, I don't know what is wrong with you, but I bet it's hard to spell!!" He gave her that look on his face that my dog gets when I show him a card trick ... I laughed all the way home.

I was in line last week to get my drivers license renewed and an illegal alien was in front of me. The woman behind the counter had tried explaining to him that he could not get a drivers license, for any of six different reasons. After six minutes he then asked, "Wheen dough youse tinks I geet divers lice ence." She leaned over and said, "How about never sir, Is NEVER good enough for you?' The entire line broke out into laughter and I tapped him on the shoulder and told him to leave. He did, but he never got it.

A teenager was coming out of a tattoo parlor recently and his mother was picking him up. She looked at the lizard he had just put on his neck forever and said, "I see you have set aside this special time in your live to humiliate yourself in public forever!" And in the grocery line a few days ago, when the check out girl could not get the register to work because she couldn't find the bar code on anything, the customer leaned in and said, "Maybe you should get someone to show you how all this works?" The teenager said, "You could be a little nicer, I'm confused here!" The woman not deterred said, "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being a little smarter!" HA!

I heard a man tell a customer in a store last week, "I don't work here, I'm a consultant!" and for sure he was totally correct. Consultants don't work anywhere! A man and his wife were arguing in Whataburger over how good the food was for you. After a few exchanges, he said, "Look DEAR, I GET your point, I don't agree with you; there is a difference you know!" Everyone in the place heard him and she turned red and left him sitting there. Yep, just like a woman, when she can't make any further points, they leave to go and be among themselves, to sit and plan revenge on all mankind!

One morning 'Lishous asked me if I had turned my clock forward yet. I said, "No, and I don't plan on being on time for anything until the Winter Solstice." She then made a remark about my parents not being married when I was born, called me her favorite "orifice" name, made mention of how fat I was, reminded me of a mistake I made in 1989, stuck her tongue out at me, gave me a double one finger salute, and told me where I was going when I die. It was not a nice smiling comeback, if you know what I mean! I'm just glad she loves me.

So, smile when you "come back" at someone. Work hard to be intelligent, and not resort to cussing. It is so much more fun to listen to.

Just thought you'd like to know....

Email Bubba at tbubba@tbubba.com