Happy Tween!

What is that, you say? It’s my new holiday. Since everyone in country is saying, “Happy Holidays” this time of year, just to be politically correct, for fear that they might lose a $2 sale, I thought I’d just all another holiday. “Tween Week.” Yeah, I like it.

That fellow in California made up a new African Holiday, that Kwanzaa thing, and got rich on it; maybe I can too.

I’m making up “TWEEN WEEK!” It’s this week, y’all, these seven days between Christmas and New Year’s Day! These seven days are “Tween” everything! These are the days that we don’t want to do anything but lounge around, eat and watch football bowl games. We just want to learn how to use our Christmas presents, eat leftover turkey sandwiches and get ready to really hurt ourselves on New Year’s Eve.

Why, even the people on the job ain’t working! Nobody wants to work, so let’s just take off and celebrate Tween Week. Let’s be “Tween” everything, politics, paving the beach roads, deer hunting, Hillary Clinton, and red and green colors. Let’s just not take sides on anything, and “Tween” it!

I’m going to write Congress and see if we can’t make it a national holiday week! Then, we would have four or five holidays between Thanksgiving and Washington’s Birthday! I think lazy people need a holiday to rest up from doing nothing.

Bubbas, rednecks, lawyers, and shepherds all need to lobby for this holiday. The shepherd lobby in Washington is a bit small, but they can recruit. Then we could all get together and celebrate being together and vote on when to have the next meeting. Maybe we could add senators as well, but then we’d have to at least make up some lies and that would take way too much energy that most of us “Tweeners” want to exert.

Enjoy the Tween Season, send me a Tween Present and let’s all vote it in for next year as well. It’s Bona-fied, y’all, I said so!

Just thought you’d like to know...