Bubba's Beach
Retirement
T. "Bubba" Bechtol

So many people I know are about to retire. I don't plan to retire, I tried it once and I hurt my elbow when I fell off the couch watching General Hospital in the middle of the afternoon. I had to do something else. But then I never did one or two things my entire adult life, so I never really had anything to retire from.

Comedians don't retire. If they take care of themselves, they live forever. We don't have stress in our lives, we laugh it off. But, my mother says that "I am a carrier!"

There are a few good things about retirement I guess. There are six Saturdays and one Sunday in every week, you bedtime is up to you, and if you go back to school and skip classes, no one can call your parents!!

One recent retiree told me "Bubba, I don't do a darn thing every day and I don't start that until noon!" You can throw all your "work clothes" away, keep one suit for funerals, and begin to learn "crafts."

Retirees don't mind being called "Seniors," because that has always been a term of superiority and it usually will save you some money at the movies.

You can finally learn how to fix your own lawn mower, count all that loose change you have had stored up for 44 years, and finally clean out your attic or garage, just in time for one of your kids to want to store their stuff in it!

You have time for your grandkids. This is the best thing about the whole retirement thing. You can spoil them stupid and give them back to their parents when you are done. I love to put one on a sugar high and watch his momma deal with it.

Bubba, Jr. and Little Bubba are never going to have kids, so the grandkid thing is not going to happen for me. I tell people "God did not mean for me to have grandchildren, he meant for me to travel and have money!" Most of them shut up and walk away!

You can have three hour lunches, four hour naps, and learn to play those board games that your wife loves. You can get back into shape, I know some folks that are far healthier in their 60's than they ever were in their 30's and 40's, and the only problem is "what do you do with it all?" Just live longer?

I have a pal that retired into another full time job. He said that he believes that it will help him live longer. I'm into that, and the stats will bear him out it. Folks that retire into another career just live longer. But, you want to be careful about that as well, because who wants to be so old they can't enjoy life. Not me, I want to assume room temperature when the things that I depend on the most for enjoyment stop working. I don't want to live just to be alive; I want to be alive while I'm living!

When I don't enjoy my beautiful wife anymore, don't know who I'm talking to, and everything that is supposed to be tight is loose, when everything that is leaking that ain't supposed to leak and I can't tell the difference between my sons and my friends, just give me the keys to the car and I'll take a long drive off a short pier when no one else is around.

Death don't scare me, I can't wait to see what's next! But in the mean time, I'm going to have to figure out this retirement thing, it seems to be the next step for people that don't want to or can't work anymore.

I can work, because long ago I began to work with my brain and not my body, which is good, because if I had to work with my body, about all I could do would be to make snow cones and I'd have to sit to do that!

So, until I figure it out, I'll keep on making people laugh. When they stop laughing with me and began to laugh at me, I'll know it's time for that drive. Ha!

Just thought you'd like to know...