Bubba's Beach
T. "Bubba" Bechtol Religion

I'm a religious person. I go to church. I believe in God. I try! But religions confuse me. They all seem to be headed in the same place, but in different ways. I have tried to keep up, but with all the different religions today, it is real hard.

Sometimes I get mixed up and mess up. I have decided that if we had all the different religions change a flat tire, it would get changed, but it would take a very long time as there are so many ways to change a tire. So just how many Christians would it take to change a tire? Let's stay with Christians and not even consider the other 987 religions in the world! Here is what I mean:

How many Christians would it take to change a tire?

Charismatics: Just one, because he would already be on his knees with his hands outstretched.

Presbyterians: None. Because it was the tires predetermined time to go flat and it never needs to be changed again.

Catholic: Five. Two to change the tire and three to chock the wheels with statues to keep the car from rolling away.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call AA, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old tire was.

Southern Baptist: At least 15. One to change the tire, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and casserole. One committee will then transform into the Building Committee to begin to raise money to purchase a new tire.

Primitive Baptist: 44. One to change the tire and 43 to preach the damnation out of the old tire.

Mormons: None. They ride bicycles. When the get a flat they push it to the nearest air pump and witness to the pump!

Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement on flat tires. We would rather like to recite a poem or compose a modern dance for the next Sunday service. We further want to invite all people to explore vulcanized rubber, tube less tires and then need for tires that will survive in global warming. We feel that all flat tires are that way because of one specific reason; we just don't know what that reason is. However, this will not prevent us from meeting and hugging."

Methodist: Three. One to change the tire and two to argue if it should be fully immersed or just sprinkled when changed.

Nazarene: Seven. One woman to change the tire and six men to review the church policy on flat tires.

Church of God: Five. One to make the change, three to pass the collection plate and one to press the robes afterward the change. They will then send out three people to establish a missionary branch to have a flat tire changing station every five miles throughout the entire United States.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in flat tires.

The Burning Hell Fire Church of the Living Savior: 648. And all of them will show up with a lug wrench and no jacks.

Northern Baptist: Three. One for the change and two to tell all who will listen "How they did it up North!"

Scientologist: One. Tom Cruise can do anything. While not entirely Christian, I have included Scientology, because I was afraid did not, my house might burn down.

Amish: "What's a tire?" Just thought you'd like to know...