Bubba's Beach
Over 50 advantage
T. "Bubba" Bechtol

There are several advantages of being over 50. I hurt in places I didn't know existed, and my skin is all trying to reach my knees as fast as it can, but there are a few real perks!

In this time of war and terrorism, kidnappers are not very interested in me and, if they ever did catch me and hold me for ransom, they would release me when they had to feed me. In a fire no one expects you to run into a burning building, the last time I ran I had hair on my head. I don't run anywhere anymore.

People call me at 11 a.m. and ask, "Did I wake you up?" It is a lot more respectful to take naps. No one views me as a hypochondriac any longer, they know I must be sick with something! I have learned everything I can the "hard way," and I now know how to do it the best way first. Most of the things I buy now, I will have the rest of my life. That's cool. I can live with less sex, but I need more love. When people talk to me about their operations, I now know what they are talking about.

Pension plans are making more sense to me, and when I have a wild party, my neighbors don't even know about it! Speed limits are no longer a challenge, and I know that I can get there in traffic with two to three minutes of ETA by doing under the speed limit. I still have a Corvette, but I use it now to attract looks only! I no longer have to hold my stomach in, because I'm over 50, and I'm supposed to have a little pooch! I know all the music in the elevator and can even sing along, that bothers the under 20's and surprises the over 30's! I'm beginning to collect from my health plan, and I don't feel like I'm paying all that money out for nothing! I can tell all my secrets to my buddies because they won't remember them anyway!

And finally, I don't care what people think of how I dress, how I talk, how I drive, or how I smell: I'm over 50 so get used to it! I'm having a ball and I can't wait for 80! I'm going to be a lot more ornery, and when I hit 80, totally unbearable! A real curmudgeon, a little fat man with a bald head that looks like Yoda on steroids. Yep, that's the ticket, can't wait !!

Just thought you'd like to know...